Kestrel Black: His Child
by MySuperAwesomePenName
Summary: Ten years ago, Kestrel's father was locked away for the death of his friends. Now Harry Potter is entering Hogwarts, and Kestrel's guilt is overwhelming. To top it off, the teacher she fears most has a secret that will change her life forever, a secret even he didn't know about. Surviving third year while hiding her new secret from her best friends is going to be difficult.
1. An Inheritance

**AN: Alright, so those of you who are following me who might be reading this, I know I really should be focusing on my other stories, but I've been so obsessed with this idea lately, and I just couldn't quit writing! So, without further adieu, here is the first chapter of His Child!**

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The part of town he was in was not the best one. Street lights flickered on and off above his head as he made his way down the street.

The man was young, but to an onlooker, it was impossible to know that. His face looked worn, and was littered with pale scars. His clothes were so patched and faded that a person might have thought him a man with no home. That person would be right.

Oh, he had a place to stay, but there were things that had happened to the man in the span of a couple days that don't usually happen to most people in thirty years.

The night was unbearably cold, and the man pulled his threadbare coat closer around his thin body as he turned up the front walk of a small house. The man, Remus Lupin, worried that his friend had become even sicker. When he let himself in, he saw that he had been right to worry.

She was laid out on the sofa, her teeth chattering from the cold, and he frowned. Several minutes later, she was covered in as many blankets as he could find, yet she was still shivering. Remus lit a fire in the antique fireplace that Lydia had always loved so much, then sat back and looked at her.

It had only been a month since Sirius' betrayal, and already she was deathly pale and overly thin. He frowned at her, but was interrupted from anything he had to say by the sound of crying from the other room.

Lydia looked at him. "Could you?"

He nodded quickly, getting up and going into the little bedroom that Lydia shared with her daughter. She had not let Kestrel sleep in her own room in three months. The little raven-haired three-year-old had just woken from what Remus guessed was a nightmare, and was crying quite loudly.

Remus hesitantly picked her up and rocked her a bit, grateful that she stopped crying at once. He carried her back into the family room where Lydia rested and sat back down in the chair next to the sofa.

Lydia smiled weakly at him. "She remembers you."

Remus grimaced. "It would be amazing if she did. She hasn't seen me in months. I don't think I make a very good godfather."

Lydia pressed her thin, chapped lips together. "If I didn't think you'd make a _great_ godfather, I wouldn't have picked you."

She patted his hand with her own small one. "You're doing just fine, Remus."

Remus doubted it; the girl had grown completely silent, her blue eyes staring up into his with something akin to fear. He pulled his gaze away to stare at Lydia's hand, at the spidery blue veins clearly visible through pale, papery skin. He sighed. "What are you doing to yourself, Lydia?"

Lydia looked ashamed. "I know. I should be focusing on making myself better for the sake of my daughter. But Remus… how could he?" He saw her wipe the tears from her eyes. "They were our _friends_, and he's the reason they're dead. And then he went and killed Peter too.

"And do you know what hurts me the most? When he was out doing all of that, he never once thought about his daughter, who he's _sworn_ he loves more than everything in this world combined, including his own life! And this morning, Kestrel finally asked me where _Dada_ was! She _has_ to know that there's something wrong! And I don't know how to explain to her that Dada's not coming back and that Mama can't _bring_ him back and-!"

She was full on sobbing then, and Remus couldn't understand anything more of what she was saying; only that it was being said very quickly, as if she had to force the words from her throat. Kestrel began crying again at the sounds of her mother's pain, and he rocked her a little as he went over to the sofa. Lydia made room for him and he sat next to her, letting her throw herself at him and cry her grief into his shirt. He used the arm that was not holding her daughter and wrapped it around her, shedding a few silent tears himself.

That they were finally letting themselves grieve might have been a step in the right direction, but if Remus Lupin had known what would happen in the following years, he would have cried a whole lot more.

Remus arrived at the funeral in his best clothes. This is to say, they were rather ratty. Nevertheless, they were black, and he supposed that was enough.

He couldn't help but feel a little numb, like he was looking at everything from a distance. As if this was someone else's life, like it had happened to another person. How could she be gone? She had been the only person he'd had left.

He shivered, pulling his tattered cloak more closely around him as he approached. There were twenty or so people milling about, reporters and book writers and people who had heard about Sirius Black's wife's passing. There was hardly anyone there that had known her- really known her- in life, and that was what made Remus' heart hurt more than anything.

Anyone who would care had already passed or was otherwise incapacitated. The Potters were gone, as was Peter. The Longbottoms were in St. Mungo's, and Sirius was locked away for murder.

To escape from the stares of people who were just there for a story, Remus sat up in the front section, near the casket that he refused to look at. Maybe this was his punishment, and rightly bestowed, too. After his visit three months after Sirius had been locked up, Remus and Lydia had grown more and more distant, his visits going from every month to every other month, then to every three or four months, and finally to every now and then.

Every time he visited, Lydia seemed in a state of forced happiness for the sake of her daughter, who recognized Remus less and less as the years went by. When was the last time he had visited before her death? He couldn't remember. He should have visited more frequently. Should have paid more attention to her health, asked more questions about how she was holding up. The guilt washed over him in great waves as he came up with countless ways he could have prevented it from happening.

He didn't realize that his eyes had closed until they opened again at the sound of someone sitting in the chair beside him. He turned to tell them that the section had been marked off for family and friends only, but stopped in his tracks when he saw just who it was he was sitting next to.

She was staring straight ahead, blue eyes large and empty looking, tiny white hand clutching that of the man sitting on the other side of her, whom Remus belatedly noticed was Albus Dumbledore.

He found his voice. "Kestrel."

The girl turned to look at him, and he saw not even a hint of recognition in her eyes. She said nothing, but her eyes had widened marginally. He imagined she was quite afraid of his appearance, with all his scars and his ratty clothes.

Albus turned to her. "Miss Black," he said gently. "This is Remus Lupin. Do you remember him?"

Kestrel shook her head at the old man. Whatever Albus had been about to say next was interrupted by the beginning of the service. The whole thing was only about thirty minutes long, an unemotional service, and the time came all too soon when family and friends were called up to view the deceased.

There was complete silence for a few minutes as all the others waited for someone to go up. Albus did not try to make Lydia's daughter go up, and she sat where she was, frozen, staring at the casket like it was her worst fear.

That left Remus. He swallowed hard and stood slowly, clutching the rose he had bought earlier tightly in his hand. He tried to ignore all the eyes staring at him as he made his way up to the open casket. As soon as he looked into it, he had to choke back a sob.

There was Lydia's face, sunken and grey and dead no matter how much makeup and beauty charms had been applied to it. There was no look on her face at all, and that was almost worse than if there had been pain on her features. It was unnatural, that face. No smile, like Lydia had always had on her face before the Potters' deaths, when Kestrel had only just turned three years old. How old was she now? Five? six? Had the little girl ever even seen her mother smile genuinely? Probably not, and it was a shame. She'd had one beautiful smile.

He felt a tear slide down his face as he leaned down and pecked Lydia's cheek, placing the yellow rose he'd been holding on top of her unmoving hands. When he stood, he saw that Kestrel's eyes were glued to him, her own white rose hugged tightly to her chest, blue eyes big and anxious. He gave her a wan smile that he suspected looked more like a grimace than anything, and the girl hesitantly left Albus' side, walking quickly up to the casket as if she wanted to hurry and get it over with. She stopped for a moment in front of the casket and placed the rose right next to the one Remus had left, her hand brushing against her mother's. She snatched the hand back, looking frightened, and ran to where Remus stood waiting. She stopped when she reached him and the two of them went back to their seats together.

Albus went up with a sprig of lilac in his hands and placed it in the casket with a grave look in his eye, then came back and took his seat again while the others who were not family or friends were called up.

The funeral ended soon after, and Remus readied himself to leave because he couldn't bring himself to see her laid in the ground. Albus stopped him, his hand once again clutched in the little girl's.

He pulled Remus aside while the others went to see the burial. "I believe Lydia has left you something."

Remus frowned. When had she written a will? He felt a pang in his chest, because no woman in her twenties should ever feel the need to write a will. "What has she left me?"

A little of the twinkle came back into Albus' eyes as he looked down at the little girl clinging to his hand.

Then it suddenly hit Remus. How could he have forgotten? "I'm her godfather… so that means I'm accountable for her now."

"Yes."

"But Albus, I'm not even sure how to take care of a child! Where would she go when-" he began frantically, but the look on Lydia's daughter's face made him stop.

"You won't be fully alone in raising her, Remus." Albus reassured him. "Did you think she was left nothing? There is a Gringott's bank vault in Miss Black's name that you may draw money from for anything that she might need. As for the other situation, we will acquire care for her when that time comes."

The old man looked down at Kestrel. "Miss Black, Mr. Remus Lupin will be your guardian as of today. Is that alright?"

The girl said nothing, but she didn't make a fuss when Albus freed his hand and apparated away with a last farewell and declaration of his condolences. Remus hesitated, and then held out his hand. "Have you ever side-apparated before, Kestrel?"

She nodded and tentatively took his hand.

"Okay. Here we go."

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**AN: So there you have it! Reviews would be much appreciated, as I would like to know what you guys all think so far! :)**


	2. Reminiscing

The first place Remus stopped at was the old house where Lydia had lived with Kestrel. If he could, he would have made this his residence so that she would never have to leave her childhood home. But the muggles in charge of the mortgage had taken ownership of the old house.  
He looked down at the little girl by his side. "Would you like me to help you gather your things?"

She shook her head no but didn't object when he went into the house with her. She made her way immediately to the little bedroom that Remus knew was Lydia's. He had planned to stay in the front room, let Kestrel have the time she needed to get her things and cope with the fact that this would no longer be her home. But the door to a second little room down the hall caught his eye and sparked a memory deep in the corner of his mind.

Keeping an ear out for Kestrel, whom he could hear rustling things around in her mother's room, he went to the door and twisted the handle. The old wooden door opened slowly, as if it hadn't been used in a while.

Remus stepped inside the dark room and took out his wand. "_Lumos_."

The first thing he saw was the small toddler bed that had been placed on the opposite wall. It was the bed Kestrel had switched to when she had outgrown her crib. There was no small amount of children's books laying there, and Remus smiled a little. The thing that caught and held his attention was the small crib in the corner of the room. He made his way over to it and ran his fingers across the rim, his hand coming away with a fine layer of dust on it. He remembered the day they had bought it, when Lydia had been pregnant with Kestrel.

_"A crib that flimsy won't be able to detain my little boy," Sirius said jokingly, wrapping an arm around his wife's large stomach. "He'll be just as mischievous and clever as his old man!"_

_"Don't forget his mother," James snorted. Lydia crossed her eyes at him and stuck out her tongue._

_"Poor thing," Remus said jokingly, running his hand along the edge of the crib. "He's got it in his blood from both sides."_

_Lily seemed to realize something, and a scandalized look appeared on her face. "Lydia, you told me you were going to wait until the baby was born to learn the gender!"_

_"And we have," Lydia said. "I just have a feeling that it will be a boy."_

_"It had better be a boy," Sirius snorted. "I'll teach him all I know about Quidditch!"_

_Lydia caressed her bulging stomach. "It doesn't matter what it is. No matter what, it will always be my baby," she whispered softly_.

Remus turned and looked at the room as a whole and saw a rocking chair, a linen closet, and several toys that were meant for toddlers. And it hit him. This was the nursery as it had been since Sirius had been locked away, as it had been for the past three years. For three years, Lydia had not even felt safe enough to let her daughter sleep in her own room. He felt his throat constrict at the thought, the guilt he'd felt earlier returning tenfold.

His inner turmoil was interrupted by a sound at the doorway. Kestrel stood there, holding an old rucksack.

"Do you have everything you might want? People from the ministry will take the rest." The girl nodded, and he stepped away from the crib.

"Well then," he tried to pull himself together as he joined her in the hall. "Shall we?"

She took the hand he had offered and he led her outside and disapparated. They appeared in an old alleyway in London. Remus held onto Kestrel's hand as they made their way through the throngs of people, until finally they reached the Leaky Cauldron.

Tom the barkeep nodded at him in greeting, unquestioning of the fact that there was a little girl trailing after him. He'd managed to procure a room in the Leaky Cauldron after he'd been unable to pay the rent in the last flat he'd lived in. He made enough money to pay for a room by working at the bar on weekdays.

He went straight up to his room, Kestrel following at his heels. He stopped in front of his door to dig in his pockets for his room key, then unlocked the door and ushered the little girl inside.

The whole place consisted of one room and one loo. "I suppose we'll need to find another place soon," he said sheepishly, transfiguring an old dresser and a spare trunk into a trundle bed and a miniature wardrobe for her to put her things in.

Kestrel said nothing; she just sat on the bed and began taking her things from the bag and putting them into the wardrobe. Remus felt like a fool for expecting her to reply to him in any way. He sat down heavily upon the big bed, hardly knowing what to do with himself. Kestrel sat there on her trundle bed and looked at him, blue eyes unreadable.

He noticed belatedly that she was still wearing the black dress she'd worn to the funeral. "Er, you may use the washroom to change your clothes if you wish…"

She nodded, then took some clothes into the loo, closing the door softly behind her and locking it with an audible click. Remus collapsed back on the bed, feeling drained. The girl obviously didn't trust him. Then again, she'd spent most of her life living with a woman who was too afraid to let her sleep in a room of her own. He felt that pang of guilt again, deep in his chest.

How had he let it come to this? Why hadn't he made himself a more prominent fixture in their lives? He knew the answer already. It was because he was a coward. It had just hurt so much to see Lydia, the last of his friends, look so scared and helpless. It had been much easier to just erase himself from her life completely.

But he'd had no idea the extent to which she would sink into her fright. According to Albus (how the old man knew, he would never know), she hadn't left the house once after that night besides to acquire food for her and her daughter, and especially hadn't set foot in any magical place. She had not looked for a muggle job to help pay for the house, and had gone into debt. How had they managed to eat well? Maybe they hadn't had enough food. The idea bothered Remus, but he couldn't deny that it was a possibility; just looking at how thin Kestrel was proved that either she was a picky eater (which he thought was unlikely, considering who her parents were), or she had been deprived, and Remus seriously doubted that the Lydia he'd known would have underfed her only child if she could have helped it. He sighed deeply, wondering how they would get through this.

The girl soon came out of the washroom, putting the dress away in her small wardrobe. After that, she stood there, seemingly unsure of what she should do next.

He smiled weakly at her. "I'd say it's about time we get some dinner- you must be starving."

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**AN: So these first couple chapters are a little short, I know, but I'm kind of using them to develop a background. Next chapter should be more interesting! In the meantime, I would love to hear any opinions you guys might have about this chapter! :)**


	3. Thirteen-year-olds and Potions Books

_Seven years later..._

Remus sat in his kitchen sipping hot tea from his favorite mug. It was one that Kestrel had made for him when she had been younger, and even though it was chipped and the paint was wearing thin, he used it every chance he got.

The peacefulness of the afternoon was interrupted by a shriek. "Remus!"

Remus dropped the mug he was holding with a start and raced into the front room. Kestrel was standing in front of the door, having just picked up the mail, and as soon as she saw Remus, she flung herself at him and hugged him. "It came! It came!"

Remus took her by the shoulders and moved her back so he could see her face properly. "What are you talking about?" he asked, humoring her even though he knew exactly what it was she was talking about. Kestrel was rarely ever loud, so when she was, he had come to automatically assume it was about Hogwarts. Even though her letter had come both years before, Kestrel still acted as surprised and overjoyed as she had the first time.

Her face cracked into a huge grin as she showed him the letter. "My letter from Hogwarts!"

Remus grinned at her, taking the letter and reading its contents. He read over the list of school supplies. "When do you want to go to Diagon Alley?" he asked her.

The look on her face suddenly became a little less bright, though she was still smiling. "Whenever we can."

"But surely you wanted to go right away! Should we coordinate with the Weasley family?" Remus teased, and she knew he was hoping to earn a grin. Instead she eyed him.

"I thought you had an interview today," she said warily.

Remus grimaced. "I don't think it would have worked out so well anyway- I haven't had the best of luck lately with interviews. We might as well do something productive with our time."

Kestrel gave him a slightly forced smile. "Okay."

* * *

Kestrel stayed close to her godfather's side as they maneuvered their way through the crowds of people in Diagon Alley. They had already been to Gringott's to take out some of the money her mother had left her, and they had gotten most of her supplies- all that was left to do was buy her books.

They entered the bookstore, which was thankfully a little less crowded than the street, and Kestrel took out her list. She glanced up at Remus to ask him something, but stopped for a moment at his appearance. They were approaching a full moon, and it showed in every pain-filled movement he made, every grimace that came to his face. His eyes were rimmed with red like he hadn't gotten enough sleep in a while, and his skin was pallid. His mouth was set in a thin line, every once in a while breaking into the smallest grimace that Kestrel had learned to recognize.

She changed her mind about asking him, instead blurting out, "Please let me get the books by myself this year, Remus!"

His brow wrinkled in slight concern. "Are you sure?"

"I'm thirteen now. If you do everything for me, I'll look helpless. I don't want to look like a baby."

She hated saying things like that, because they weren't usually true. Sometimes, she wished she didn't have to do so many things on her own- she needed him to help her get the hard to reach things and tell her what book was the absolute best for her or even just stand there beside her. But if she told Remus all that, he would feel guilty, and she never wanted him to feel like that. Besides, she knew how weak Remus was before the full moon, and if he tried to do too much, it would only tax his energy even more. Remus nodded reluctantly, exiting the shop and sitting down on a bench just outside to wait for her. She looked at her list, then decided that she would play it by ear and just search around and see what she could find.

Even though she had come here for her schoolbooks both years before, Kestrel wasn't used to this bookstore because she and Remus usually went to the one in their neighborhood to buy books. It was a nice, quiet muggle store, and it was very different from this place. The whole neighborhood was muggle, actually, except for them of course. They had moved into the area a while ago, right before Kestrel's seventh birthday, because Remus had not been making enough to pay the rent at the Leaky Cauldron and still make ends meet. She also suspected that he had done it for her, so that she could finally have her own room instead of a trundle bed on the floor. It had actually been fairly easy for Remus to earn muggle money, once he got the hang of working at a muggle job, so they were able to afford their little two bedroom house. She headed over to the section that was marked Textbooks, but she had barely gone one aisle over when two faces popped up behind the bookshelf nearest her and grinned mischievously. She jumped back a little, then smiled automatically as she went over to them.

"Say, Kes, we were wondering when we'd be seeing you again," Fred Weasley said teasingly, throwing his arm around her. The twins smiled at her as she gave them both hugs.

It had been a while since her last visit to the Weasley house- usually she stayed there on nights when there was a full moon, but last month she had gone to spend the day having tea with Albus Dumbledore. She had ended up staying the whole day in the castle, talking with Albus and going to see what creatures Hagrid took care of. By the time she had gotten back to the burrow, all of the Weasley children had been fast asleep. The next morning Remus had come to collect her before breakfast, despite his incredibly weak state.

"You two already have your books?" Kestrel questioned, glancing at their bulging bags.

"Yup," Fred confirmed. "Mum's already paid for them."

"But we can help you find yours," George said cheerfully.

"Since we already know where they are," the two said in union.

"Thanks," Kestrel said as they began to pull textbooks off of shelves and stack them in her arms.

When they had located the last book on the list, the twins had but to glance at it before they began to grin. "So Kes, excited for our first Potions class of the year?" Fred snickered.

Kestrel frowned as she put the book on top of the others, trying not to look at the cover. "Don't remind me so soon. I was hoping not to think about it until I absolutely had to."

"Maybe this year you'll finally crack and give Snape a piece of your mind," George said, winking at her.

Kestrel sighed. "You know I won't do that."

"It would certainly serve him right," they said.

"Just because you're scared of him doesn't mean he should get away with it," George said.

"He's treated you like scum since first year," Fred said.

As much as Kestrel wished Fred and George were exaggerating, nothing could be further from the truth. Ever since the moment he had heard her name called during Sorting, Snape had taken it upon himself to ridicule her every chance he got. His class was her least favorite, and she had not done very well in it the last two years, something which only fueled his discrimination more.

Not that she hadn't already faced a lot of discrimination already; almost everyone in the wizarding world had seen her face in the paper at least once. The media seemed fixated on the idea of the daughter of Sirius Black following in her father's footsteps. She was infamous in their world, and for horrible reasons. She had grown accustomed to people staring at her when she and Remus went any place where witches and wizards were, so by the time she had entered Hogwarts, she had come to almost expect less-than-kind treatment from anyone who wasn't Remus or a Weasley.

"You know, we could always set off a few dung bombs in his office," George said mischievously, bringing her out of her thoughts.

"That would teach him."

"Definitely."

"Although we did do that last year-"

"He wasn't too happy about that, was he Freddie?"

"Exactly why we wouldn't mind doing it again," Fred told Kestrel.

"Guys," Kestrel pleaded. "Can we just not talk about it? We still have two weeks until school starts."

"You're right," Fred said, smiling at her.

George suddenly remembered something. "Mum said to tell you that she wants you over for a couple days before we have to leave for school."

Fred groaned. "She's been going on and on about how we're all growing up too fast."

Kestrel laughed, her worries about Snape momentarily forgotten. "Of course I'll come over, if Remus says it's okay."

"Good," Fred said, because they all knew without a doubt that Remus would say yes.

"Somebody's got to keep her from going loony," George said.

"It's a wonder she hasn't already," Kestrel teased, grinning up at the twins.

"Me and George have been talking and we've decided-"

"-that it's entirely possible she's faking her sanity for the sake of the children."


	4. Nightmare

Later that afternoon, Kestrel asked Remus about staying with the Weasleys, and he agreed to let her spend the week before school started with the Weasley family. Kestrel excitedly wrote a short note to the twins about the news.

_Dear Fred and George,_

_Remus said that I can come over the week before school! Tell everyone I said hi, and tell your mother thank you again for me! _

_Love, _

_Kestrel_

She ran to find Daisy, their barn owl. She found the owl in the family room, and smiled excitedly, giving her the letter. "Here, Daisy," she said. "Can you take this to Fred and George, please?"

Daisy hooted, lifting her wings and flying out the open window. Kestrel settled down in her bedroom to finish the last of her summer homework, not wanting to do it at the Burrow. She gotten through nearly all of it when there came a tapping at her window. Kestrel jumped up excitedly, opening the window for Daisy, who flew in and settled on Kestrel's bed, a letter clasped in her beak. Kestrel took the letter, petting Daisy on the head.

_Dear Kestrel,_

_We'll tell everyone you said hi except Percy the Prefect (who we'd rather not willingly start a conversation with... and honestly, we know you're just being nice by including him). And we refuse to tell Mum thank you again because really, Kes, four times is quite enough._

_See you soon,_

_Fred and George _

* * *

"Kestrel, dear, I can't believe how big you've grown!" Kestrel saw Fred and George roll their eyes behind Mrs. Weasley, who was hugging her so tight that Kestrel thought she might break a bone.

"Mum," Fred huffed. "We just saw her two weeks ago- she hasn't grown at all."

"She hasn't grown more than an inch in all the years we've known her," George said. "Let alone in two weeks." Kestrel flushed in embarrassment. Of course, she _had_ grown since she had been six, but with that being said, the twins still towered over her, and took every opportunity to remind her.

Mrs. Weasley let go of Kestrel, turning to scold the twins, but Kestrel quickly interrupted her. "Mrs. Weasley, do you mind if I go ahead and unpack my things?"

"Oh, that reminds me! I have something to discuss with you three," the woman said, motioning for them to sit down. "Arthur, can you come here a moment?"

Kestrel and the twins shared a confused look but pulled out chairs from the kitchen table and slid into them. Mr. Weasley seemed to know exactly what the conversation was to be about, because the look on his face was nothing short of reluctant when he came into the room. Ron trailed after him curiously, but Mrs. Weasley shook her head and pointed at the door. "Ronald, dear, this is just about the twins and Kestrel."

Ron looked put out, but shuffled back out the door with a scowl on his face, mumbling under his breath. "Nobody ever tells me anything."

"Mum, what's this about?" George questioned.

Mrs. Weasley glanced pointedly at her husband, and Mr. Weasley sighed before he began. "Children, the three of you are thirteen years old-"

"_What_?" George spluttered, putting on a shocked look.

"Why didn't anyone tell us this _before_!" Fred cried in mock outrage.

"Boys," Mrs. Weasley said sternly, and they quieted down.

Mr. Weasley continued, "As you know, when a person is around this age, they start to, er, _change_…" His face flushed as he trailed off uncertainly, clearly out of his element.

"Er, Dad," Fred began, shifting in his seat.

"You _really_ don't have to have that talk with us," George said.

Kestrel glanced at the twins and saw that they looked just as uncomfortable as she felt. "If it's alright, I think I already know all I need to, Mr. Weasley."

"The point is," Mrs. Weasley said. "You're teenagers now. Your father and I have held off telling you this as long as possible, but… We just don't think it's appropriate for Kestrel to sleep in your room anymore."

"That's what this is about?" Kestrel questioned, her brow creasing.

"_Mum_," Fred groaned, his ears turning red.

"Kestrel's always slept in our room," George said, equally embarrassed.

Kestrel _had_ always slept in the twins' room, ever since they had been six years old. For a long time after her mother's death, the twins had been the only people she had been able to connect with on an emotional level, and she had adamantly refused to sleep in any other room while staying at the Burrow. She usually slept in one of the twins' beds while the other two shared, but sometimes, if she arrived late at night, she would just crawl into bed with one of them. She hadn't realized that there was anything wrong about it.

Mr. Weasley, seeing the twins begin to protest more, held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Yes, and that was fine when you three were little, but now that you're growing up, we just think it would be more _appropriate_ for Kestrel to stay in Ginny's room."

Kestrel could feel her face fall. She didn't have anything against Ginny- she actually quite liked the younger girl. But she knew very well she wouldn't be able to talk to her as easily as she could Fred and George.

Mrs. Weasley patted Kestrel's hand, and when she spoke her voice was gentle. "We aren't doing this to be mean," she said.

Fred and George were scowling now. "But this isn't fair," Fred said angrily.

"What do you think would happen?" George asked, crossing his arms.

"She's our _best friend_," they said together.

"I expect you'll understand when you're a bit older," Mr. Weasley said.

The twins opened their mouths to say more, but Mrs. Weasley held up her hand. "Boys, your father and I have spoken, and I don't want to hear anything more about it. Now, be good boys and help Kestrel carry her things up to Ginny's room."

Kestrel went to follow her grumbling friends out of the kitchen, but Mrs. Weasley stopped her. "Kestrel, I hope you understand that we don't have anything against you," she said kindly. "I've always thought of you as a daughter, and it would make me feel better to know that the twins won't have the chance to take advantage of you."

Kestrel blushed furiously, smiling as reassuringly as she could. "No, I understand," she said. "But for the record, I don't think they would."

Mrs. Weasley smiled at her. "We know, dear, it's just better if they don't have the chance."

Kestrel hurried out of the kitchen, and Fred and George were waiting for her by her trunk. "_Take advantage of you_?" Fred asked incredulously.

"Does she know the meaning of best friend?" George muttered, lifting her trunk with a grunt.

Ron saw them going up the stairs with Kestrel's trunk and ran after them. "What did they talk to you about?" he asked when he had caught up to them.

"None of your business," the twins snapped, still mad.

"Come on," Ron wheedled. "Nobody tells me anything."

"They just told us that I couldn't stay in Fred and George's room anymore," Kestrel told him, taking pity on the younger boy.

Ron's face creased in confusion. "Why not? You always stay in Fred and George's room."

"They think we'll-" Fred said.

"-'take advantage of her,'" George sneered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ron questioned, no less confused than before.

"You wouldn't understand," Kestrel told him, patting his head.

Ron scowled at her. "Yes I _would_!"

"Alright," Fred told him, stopping in front of them all and turning back to look at his younger brother. "They think we're going to start doing _sexual_ things with her."

"You understand _that_, right?" George said, smirking as Ron's face immediately turned so red it almost matched his hair.

"Guys," Kestrel said, her own face slightly flushed as she pushed their backs to make them move again. "I don't think they actually believe that."

"Well why else would they make you move into Ginny's room?" George asked.

On the floor above them, they heard Ginny's door open, and the ten-year-old stuck her head over the banister. "Kestrel's moving into my room?" she asked, smiling down at them happily.

"Until we break Mum and she lets her come back to our room," the twins said mischievously, grinning at Kestrel.

Kestrel rolled her eyes, but her lips curled into a smile. "Don't be so hard on her," she told them. "She's just looking out for us."

"_No_," Fred stressed. "She's looking out for _you_."

"And she doesn't have to," George said.

"Because we would never do anything to you," they said together.

Kestrel's smile became more prominent. "I know."

"Besides, you're basically a boy anyway, once you get past the long hair- OW!" Fred rubbed his arm gingerly where Kestrel had pinched him. "That was a _compliment_!"

* * *

The week before the start of term passed in a blur of jokes, games, and delicious home-cooked meals. Nearly everyday, the twins dragged her outside for Quidditch. Since there was only four of them, they let Ron play too. Ron wasn't very good, and the twins would have replaced him with Ginny if Mrs. Weasley would let them. As it was, she thought Ginny was too young to play with her rough older brothers. Kestrel wasn't very good at Quidditch either, so to make it even, the twins split themselves up so that one was on a team with Ron and the other on a team with Kestrel. This didn't do much good for Kestrel or Ron, though, because the twin on one team would often pretend to be the other so they would pass him the quaffle. It worked nearly every time because it was difficult for both Kestrel and Ron to recognize which twin was which while they were up in the air and moving quickly.

Though her nights were somewhat sleepless at first, Ginny's sense of humor reminded Kestrel a little of the twins, and it comforted her, knowing she had someone to talk to late at night.

Unfortunately, Ginny didn't know about Kestrel's nightmares. She had them nearly every night, but there had been two nights when she had woken up screaming, which inevitably woke Ginny too. The poor girl had been quite frightened the first time it had happened, and it had taken Kestrel a good fifteen minutes to reassure her that, no, she didn't need Mr. and Mrs. Weasley to come in there, and yes, she was fine. The second time she had woken Ginny up, she got nearly the same response. She noticed that Ginny would stare at her strangely the next day, when she was exhausted from lack of restful sleep.

On the last night of her stay, the night before they were to board the Hogwarts Express for their third year, Kestrel had one of her more horrible nightmares. It started out like many of her other nightmares: she was a small child, and she was in her old house, the one she'd lived in before she had been put with Remus.

_She was sitting in the bedroom she and her mother shared, drawing in an old, blank notebook she had found, when she smelt something gross. She wrinkled her nose and dropped the crayon she was holding, sitting up on the bed and breathing in more deeply. It smelled like nasty sewer water. She rolled over onto her stomach and slid off the big bed. _

_"Mummy?" she called out, convinced that she would be able to get rid of the horrible smell. But no one answered her. The house was silent, and Kestrel noticed for the first time that it was rather dark. _

_Suddenly she heard a grating sort of noise, coming from another room. Kestrel crept into the hallway, calling out again. "Mummy?" _

_Again, no one answered her, but the grating sound grew louder. She came to the end of the hall, where her old room was, and paused nervously, for the sound seemed to be coming from in there. She took a deep breath and opened the door, peering into the darkness. _

_"Mummy?" _

_Suddenly, a crazed man lunged out of the room and made a grab for her. Kestrel screamed and ran back down the hall, the man behind her. She sprinted into her mother's room, slamming the door behind her, and crawled underneath the bed. Frightened, she watched as the door swung open slowly, and she saw his feet walk into the room, the ball and chain around his ankle grating against the hard wood floors. She shuffled back further under the bed, and her foot touched something. Pulling her foot away, she turned around slowly. _

_Her mother's eyes stared back at her, unblinking, her limp body angled strangely. She was dead. Kestrel screamed before she could stop herself, and the man stopped in front of the bed. She was shaking in fear as he slowly kneeled down on the floor. _

_There was a moment of silence. _

_Then his face appeared before her, so suddenly that it was inhuman, and his arms were pulling her out of her hiding place._

Kestrel woke up with her face buried in her pillow, covered in sweat. She sat up quickly, gasping for breath as she realized that it hadn't been real. After a few minutes, she laid back down reluctantly, staring at the ceiling. It was always impossible to go back to sleep when her nightmares were that bad, and she laid there for a few more minutes before she sat back up, feeling restless.

She glanced over at Ginny's bed; the young girl was asleep underneath her blanket, her red hair the only part of her that was visible. Her eyes went to the door. Almost without thinking, she got out of bed and crept to the door, pushing it open quietly and peeking out. Finding no one, she snuck out of Ginny's room and made her way to the twins' room.

She slipped inside and closed the door behind her, then stood before George's bed. He would be the least grumpy of the two if she accidentally woke him. She carefully peeled back his covers, slipping in beside him. He had been facing the wall, but groggily turned over when she tugged his blanket over a little more so it would cover them both. He opened his eyes blearily, running his hand over his face.

"Kes?" he whispered, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"I had a nightmare," she said quietly.

"Oh," he responded, waking up a little more. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Kestrel mumbled, picturing her mother's empty eyes and shivering.

"Okay," he murmured.

They didn't talk a lot after that because he fell back asleep, but Kestrel didn't care- she felt better just knowing he and Fred were close. She slept peacefully the rest of the night.

* * *

**AN: So what did you guys think? I would love to hear your opinion on the chapter! :)**


	5. Harry Potter

**AN: Just a heads up, this chapter skips around quite a bit!**

* * *

The morning dawned early, but to Kestrel, it couldn't have been early enough. The night had seemed longer than it was, and she wanted to see Remus. When he met them at the barrier to 9 ¾, Kestrel left the Weasleys behind to run off and hug him. He retrieved her cart and they ran through the barrier together. Once they were through, Remus pulled Kestrel to the side. He was looking considerably better than when she had last seen him, as the full moon had passed already.

"How did you sleep?" he asked immediately, observing the slight darkening under her eyes.

Kestrel could only bring herself to shrug, avoiding his concerned gaze. "Fine."

She let her tangled hair fall into her face as she looked at her shoes. Since her hair was so curly, Remus normally made her comb her hair thoroughly, but with so many children running around at the Burrow, she had gotten away with leaving it to curl and tangle as it wished.

Remus frowned, brushing her wild hair away from her face and bending down a little to look her in the eye. "I thought the dreams had gone away. That's what you told me."

"I know," she said guiltily. "But Remus, Dreamless Sleep is so expensive! And they're not that bad, honestly…" she trailed off as Remus sighed heavily.

"I'm going to order some more tonight and send it to you at Hogwarts. I know you don't want me to spend money on it, but I'm taking care of you, Kestrel, not the other way around. One more thing: if anything else happens... write to me, alright?"

Kestrel nodded, her shoulders slumping a little. He had to be talking about Snape. She had first told Remus about him at the end of her first week at Hogwarts, and had been very upset at his response to just ignore the Slytherin Head of House; in her overemotional stupor, she had been under the impression that Remus would write to the school and demand that Snape be sacked immediately. Regardless, Remus always insisted that she tell him everything that Snape said to her.

"Hey," Remus said, his voice softer as he noticed her good spirits disappearing. "You'll have a great time this year. I promise."

Kestrel gave him a small smile. "I know," she said. "I'll be fine."

Remus nodded at her, then looked at the time. "You'd better board now. Am I to assume that thirteen is too old to hug your godfather in front of your classmates?" he asked her jokingly.

Kestrel grinned, throwing her arms around him. "I love you."

"Love you too," he said, smiling as he watched her run off to hug Arthur and Molly Weasley. She jumped onto the train with a few minutes to spare, and leaned out of a compartment window to wave at him. She shouted a goodbye to him that was quickly lost in the noise of the other children and the train as it began to leave the station. Remus stood there waving until the train was out of sight.

* * *

Kestrel climbed down from the seat she was kneeling on and left in search of Fred and George. She wasn't in a very good mood anymore, and she knew that the sooner she found the twins, the sooner they would make her laugh and she would forget to worry about Snape. She found them sharing a compartment with Lee Jordan, who was entertaining a small group of first and second years with a creature in a box. She squeezed in between George and Lee, forcing a smile when they both greeted her enthusiastically. She nervously leaned against George because Lee's box had some sort of hairy leg sticking out that she hoped didn't belong to a spider. Because of her anxiety about Lee's giant bug (if it was a bug), she forgot to leave the smile on her face, and she certainly didn't notice how Fred was studying her.

"What's up with you?" he asked suddenly, raising his eyebrows when the fake smile immediately slipped back onto her face.

"Well, it's rather creepy, don't you think?" she said, gesturing to Lee's box.

Fred shook his head stubbornly. "That's not it, you've looked a bit down ever since you came in."

"No I haven't," Kestrel said just as stubbornly.

"Yes you have," Fred told her a bit more loudly.

"I have not!" Kestrel insisted, lifting her chin and staring down her nose at him.

"Alright," George said over anything Fred might have said next, addressing the younger students gathered around Lee. "Time to go sit with your friends!"

"Yeah," Lee said, rolling his eyes at their protests. "You'll be able to see it later, folks!"

Once the compartment was empty but for the four of them, Lee stowed his box away and turned to Kestrel. "Alright, what's eating you?"

Kestrel huffed, still irritated at Fred. "Nothing!"

Fred crossed his arms over his chest, staring hard at her. "Kes, you know we don't believe that."

"We're going to drag it out of you even if you don't tell us," George put in.

"So you might as well let it out," Fred finished.

Kestrel frowned, avoiding their eyes. "You'll make fun of me for it."

"Come off it, Kes," Lee said, throwing his arm around her shoulder. "We're not going to make fun of you."

"Well," Kestrel began hesitantly. "I just- I'm nervous... Potions is going to be-"

"So you're worried about Snape?" Lee asked, not a glint of humor in his eyes. The twins were just as somber, and Kestrel nodded, grateful they were taking it so seriously.

"Don't be," the twins said.

"He's just a bitter old man trying to entertain himself," Lee said.

"Yeah, can't imagine he gets out much," Fred began.

"Considering most people would be scared of a giant bat," George said, smirking at her.

"Sweeping around Hogsmeade-"

"-fangs bared-"

"-grease dripping from his head-"

"-glow in the dark skin-"

"Scary stuff, yeah?" Lee said, grinning as he watched Kestrel giggle at their antics, her worries temporarily forgotten.

* * *

Fred and George managed to keep Kestrel's mind off of Snape on the train ride, but at the feast, she knew that she would have no choice but to be subject to his nasty looks from across the room. She'd be lying if she told herself she was used to it; even after two years, she knew her heart would still skip a beat when she glanced up and found him glaring at her.

When they got to the castle, she and the twins found a place at the Gryffindor table that was much too close to the Head table for her liking, but she didn't dare show them how much it bothered her. Instead, she immersed herself in a conversation with Lee, whom she had forgotten to ask about his mother. He had written during the summer and said she had come down with a virus. She was just asking him how she was doing when Dumbledore called for attention.

Now that she was not distracted, Kestrel resigned herself to the fact that she would have to face Snape sometime. As Dumbledore finished his speech, she snuck a peak at Snape, only to find that he was looking at the group of nervous first years that stood in a huddle in front of the Sorting Hat. Kestrel felt relief for a moment before curiosity set in, and she looked closer at who she thought he was staring at. She studied the small boy with thick black hair and glasses, and wondered if she had seen him somewhere before. She shrugged it off, clapping for a girl with bushy brown hair who had been sorted into Gryffindor. She would find out who he was when he was called up to be sorted. She was just turning to say something to the twins when she heard it.

"_Potter, Harry!_"

She immediately felt all the blood drain from her face as the boy with glasses went up to be sorted. Whispering broke out throughout the room, and students from all four houses gaped back and forth between her and Harry Potter. This went on for several long minutes as the boy sat beneath the Sorting Hat, and when the Hat placed him in Gryffindor, Kestrel laid her head down on the table, feeling faint.

In all her anxiety about Snape, she had completely forgotten that this was Harry Potter's first year at Hogwarts. Not that she had consciously kept track of the years, of course; she had always tried to block out any memories from before Remus had taken her in. Still, she should have known- hadn't Remus been acting strange at King's Cross? He was the type to keep track. She felt a twinge of anger as she realized that he must have known, and that he hadn't even bothered to warn her.

She spent the whole of Dumbledore's speech determinedly avoiding the small, black-haired boy's eyes, but it didn't help matters that he was sitting only a few seats down from them. Fred, George, and Lee kept giving her worried glances as she sat through the feast, pushing food around on her plate and frowning. The time for them to head up to Gryffindor tower couldn't come soon enough.

When they were in the common room, Kestrel headed straight up the girls' staircase with only a few parting words to the boys. Once there, she opened her trunk to grab some parchment, a quill, and some ink, then got into her bed and pulled the curtains closed. There were a thousand things she wanted to say to Remus. She thought about asking him if he'd known, then decided that there was no way he couldn't have. She wanted to accuse him of being too overprotective and sheltering, but that was a little harsh. Finally, she settled for one question.

_Why didn't you tell me?_

She rolled up the piece of parchment and put it beneath her pillow, setting the ink and quill on the floor. She would go to the owlery the next morning.

* * *

The day classes started, Kestrel wasn't able to concentrate on any of them. Her mind kept going back to Harry Potter, the boy who had been orphaned by her father's doing. Did he know what had happened? She didn't think so, because he hadn't come seeking her out yet. She wondered why no one had told him. She knew she should just have been happy that he was ignorant, but shouldn't he know why his parents had died? She could understand that it wasn't exactly a topic to discuss with an eleven-year-old, but-

"What?" she hissed at Fred, who had been repeatedly elbowing her.

"_Black_."

Kestrel's attention snapped away from Fred and she looked up at Snape fearfully, realizing that he must have been calling her name for roll. She sank down in her seat a little. "Sir."

"I see you have not hesitated to begin day dreaming in my class," he sneered. "Ten points from Gryffindor for your blatant disrespect."

Kestrel nodded silently, her heart pounding. At least he had only taken ten points. Fred and George didn't feel the same way. "Git," Fred mumbled under his breath, and George and Lee turned around in their seats to give the professor dirty looks. They gave her reassuring smiles.

"I had trusted that you all, being third years, would not need a speech about my expectations of you." Snape paused for effect, turning on his heel to lock eyes with Kestrel. "But as fate should have it, Ms. Black has chosen to make an example of herself. Apparently, my trust has been _severely_ misplaced."

Kestrel sank lower into her seat as groans echoed around the room. Fred nudged her foot with his as comfortingly as he could, glaring at the few people who turned around to scowl at her.

"There will be no sleeping or day dreaming in my class," he went on. "You will pay attention at all times, lest you blow up a cauldron and send half of your classmates to the Hospital Wing. Now, take out your parchment. Since Ms. Black has thought herself above the rules, we will begin the year by taking notes."

* * *

The first few days of term, whispers followed Kestrel everywhere she went. She put on a brave face, having expected as much because of her connection to Harry, but it hurt a lot more than she let on. After first year, she'd thought that the other students had begun to trust her more, as second year had gone off nearly without a hitch. One day in the library, as she was checking out a book for Charms, she nearly ran into a group of gossiping Hufflepuffs in the year above her.

She apologized quickly, making he way to a table in an abandoned corner of the library. She was able to read peacefully there for a few minutes, until the sound of whispering reached her from a few shelves away. She discretely glanced up- it was the same group of Hufflepuffs she had seen before. They didn't seem to notice her in the corner, and carried on with their conversation.

A girl with long brown hair sniffed indignantly. "I can't believe she's still allowed in Hogwarts."

"Well, she hasn't technically done anything." A blonde girl with glasses reasoned, searching through the books with interest as her friends stood and talked.

"Yes, but you know who her father is! What if it's hereditary? She could turn out just like him!"

"Maybe Dumbledore's letting her stay so he can keep an eye on her," another suggested.

"Maybe there's no where to send her to. I heard she's been passed around from relative to relative and they all hate her," a skinny girl with a slight lisp speculated.

"No, she was adopted by some man after... you know..." the first girl informed her.

"After her dad went to jail?" Kestrel felt herself tense, her fingers gripping her book too tightly.

"Don't you know anything? He didn't adopt her until her mum went crazy and offed herself!"

Kestrel stood up abruptly, gathering her books and making her way to the library door with tears in her eyes. As she left the Hufflepuffs behind her, she heard the last comment, uttered by the girl with the glasses: "Do you think she heard us?"

She cried all the way to the common room, not bothering to hide her tears from anyone that passed by. When she finally stumbled into the common room, as luck would have it, the twins were the first people she met.

"Whoa," Fred said in good humor when she nearly ran into him. "Slow down a bit, Kes!"

"Going somewhere?" George added.

She looked up at them both, and the grins slipped off their faces.

"Merlin, what happened?" they questioned.

Kestrel shook her head, wiping her eyes. She was beginning to think she was being ridiculous. "Nothing, just some dumb Hufflepuffs. It doesn't even matter."

"Then why are you crying?"

"What did they say?"

"I don't know," she told them, answering George's question and ignoring Fred's completely.

"What did they say about you?" Fred repeated stubbornly.

"We're blocking the way into the common room," Kestrel said, moving to sit down on one of the couches. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Harry Potter already sitting there. She froze as he looked up at her through his glasses, his green eyes knowing. He had found out.

"You're Kestrel Black, aren't you?" he asked. She nodded guiltily.

She expected him to yell at her or try to hurt her, but he simply looked at her for a moment and then said. "Oh. I'm Harry."

Kestrel gaped at him in confusion, her heart thudding in her chest. Finally she managed to force a word from her throat. "Hi."

"Kes," Fred pressed, looking from her to Harry and back again. "What'd they say?"

"They were just gossiping," Kestrel said evasively, glancing at Harry.

"Can we talk to you in private?" George asked, understanding her subtle hint.

The three of them made their way up the boys' staircase and into the third year dorm. Fred leaned against what she guessed was his bed, while George chose to lean against the wall. They remained silent, and Kestrel sighed, realizing she would have to tell them sooner or later. "They were just talking about my father..."

"That doesn't usually get you so upset," George said cautiously.

"Well," she said softly, tears springing to her eyes again. "They might have mentioned my mother."

The twins immediately shifted uncomfortably, glancing at each other. In all the time they had known her, Kestrel had rarely, if ever, spoken of her mother. They had figured it was a raw subject. George stood up straight, clearing his throat. "What did they say about her?"

"Just the truth," Kestrel said bitterly. "That she went insane and killed herself."

George went pale and said nothing, but Fred grimaced and said, "I'm sorry, Kes."

Kestrel's chin quivered as she sighed again. "It's not your fault. It's just... with Harry Potter being here and all... Maybe if I'd had some kind of warning, I would have been prepared for it..."

The twins once more shuffled their feet uncomfortably, avoiding her eyes.

Kestrel's heart dropped into her stomach. "What?"

"Well..." Fred began. "We might have seen him on the train..."

"But we didn't want to make you worry-"

"-When you came into the compartment looking all sad, I thought you knew."

"And then we started talking about Snape-"

"And we forgot to mention it..." they twins chorused guiltily.

Kestrel was staring at them incredulously, her mind whirring. "You two knew he would be here?"

The twins nodded hesitantly, their expressions anxious.

"I don't understand," she said softly. "You knew how much this would change my school life. I could barely breathe the other night when his name was called because it shocked me so much! How? How could you _not_ tell me?" her voice had been growing steadily louder with each sentence, and by that time she was yelling. The twins shrank back, their hands up in a gesture of peace.

"Kes-" they said, attempting to apologize.

"Don't!" she snapped, then her face softened. "Just leave me alone for a little while, okay? I just need to think." She left them standing remorsefully in their dorm room as she ran back down the staircase.


End file.
